


As The Leaves Fall

by SophiexHorayne



Category: Phandom, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Autumn, Autumn project thing, Coffee, Coffee Shop, Fluff, Fluff with a dog, M/M, Phan AU, Phan with a dog
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-09-02 09:02:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8660818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophiexHorayne/pseuds/SophiexHorayne
Summary: Dan doesn't understand why it was such a problem. It was a tiny bit of sandwich anyway, and it was cold. Yet Phil Lester is somehow even more stubborn than him.





	1. When Blue Eyes Meet Brown

The small bell on the door of the Penthouse Coffee shop jangles softly as Dan bustles through, struggling to close the door gently as he clutches his laptop bag under his right arm, heavy rucksack on his back. Along with Dan, leaves float through the door, fluttering onto the mat, oranges and browns amongst his shoes.

 "Good morning Dan." Greets Louise from behind the counter, decorated with the most stunning display of cakes and gingerbread.

 "Morning." Dan replies, taking in the smell of ground coffee and rich cakes and bacon. His stomach grumbles.

 "Your usual?" She asks, twiddling a pencil between her fingers.

 "Please. I'll be in the-"

 "Corner." Louise nods, "I know." Giving him a smile, she turns to Tyler, a new worker at the coffee shop, and mutters Dan's coffee order to him.

 Dan is, as usual, the only customer and finds his usual spot in the booth by the window, which overlooks the street and the park opposite, and busy road in the middle.

 He sets down his laptop, and places his bag beside him, shrugging of his coat hood and shivering slightly. October is colder than he remembers. He turns on his laptop, stroking the top of it as he lifts the lid, then gets out his papers, spreading them carelessly over the table.

 "Coffee." Louise says, placing the coffee cup beside him.

 "Thank you, Louise." Dan says, quickly drumming his password into his computer, "Um, can I have a bacon sandwich too please. I missed breakfast."

 His roommate, Caspar, likes to take over the kitchen in the mornings, especially Saturdays like these and Dan cannot stand the music he plays while cooking, and the food never usually smells great. He sets the fire alarm off more often than not and Dan would rather not be present as dozens of teens come running to their dorm room to see if there's actually a fire.

 Besides that, Dan cannot work in their room. For one thing, Caspar often has someone over, be it a friend, girlfriend or boyfriend, Dan never cares who, but they take over the room, play the television too loud and he cannot concentrate. Secondly, the one small desk in the side of the room is cluttered, with Caspar's books and Caspar's papers.

 So the café is good for Dan. A stone's throw from his university, 'Penthouse Coffee' is his kind of perfect. He files through his papers, finds his history notes and sighs, running a hand through his curly hair. That's another thing, his and Caspar's dorm is a mess, and Dan worries that if he uses straighteners, he's certain to set something on fire.

 "Here you go Dan." Louise says, placing the bacon sandwich down over some of his papers.

 "Thank you." Dan turns to his bag quickly, shovels through the front pocket before pulling out a wallet, handing her a ten pound note. "For the coffee and food." He pauses, goes to his change pocket and takes out two pound coins. "One for you and one for Tyler."

 "Dan..." Louise starts.

 "Don't argue. You know you never win."

 Louise frowns a little, "But, you can't tip us every day. You must have given us hundreds each."

 "Perhaps." Dan says with a shrug, "But you're worth every pound I promise you. Take it."

 Louise looks reluctant, but she knows, from countless times in the past, she won't win. "You're too stubborn for your own good Dan Howell."

 Dan grins up at her, brown eyes crinkling at the edges, "That's what you say every time Louise Pentland." He responds, "And I will remember to take it as a compliment."

 With a look of mocking annoyance, Louise walks away from him, back behind the counter. The sandwich smells good, and it makes Dan hungrier as he picks up one half, taking a bite and smiling. He begins to read through his notes, scanning the information, with a spin in his brain.

 "The fuck is a democracy?" He mumbles, certain he's been told the meaning too many times to count. He taps the question into his laptop, smiling at the wifi signal at the bottom. Another positive to the café; free wifi, stronger than the University's.

 Finding the definition Dan grins, continuing reading, sipping his coffee occasionally, the coffee, rich, and burning his throat until he's warm enough to shakes of his coat, leaving it behind him on the seat. Finishing re-reading, Dan brings up a new document, beginning to type, continuing from his previous point.

 In the background of his thoughts he hears the bell ring, which, although a rarity in the café, he does not bother to look up, being in the middle of a crucial part. He takes another bite of his sandwich, which is getting cold by now, though he doesn't mind all that much, when something nudges his arm.

 "Just a minute Louise." He mutters softly, only to feel his sandwich swiftly being snatched from his hand. "Hey!"

 Dan exclaims, looking to his side to see a small white dog, treading half on his bag as he chews the sandwich once before swallowing.

 "Oh! Poppy! Sh- I'm so sorry, what did she take?" A man rushes towards him, black hair, crystal blues eyes and red, flustered cheeks (from the cold, Dan understands).

 "Just my last bit of sandwich don't worry about it."

 The dog looks up at the man with a glint in her eyes, tongue hanging out. Dan reaches out and ruffles her head.

 "Poppy." The man sighs, "This is the last time I let you off the lead." He clips Poppy's lead back on and tugs at it to get her off the seat. "What was it, I'll buy you another one."

 "No, it's fine. It was my last bite and it was cold anyway."

 "Well, I can buy you more coffee. What's your order?"

 "No. No it's fine." Dan says stubbornly, "It's fine."

 "No, I insist. You look like you're gonna be here hours I'm sure you could do with extra coffee."

 Dan bites his lip. Sure, he could do with another coffee, but this stranger with the bright blues eyes and jet black hair does not need to buy it for him. "I can buy one myself."

 "I insist." The man repeats, "What's your order?"

 "I'll make it!" Louise calls from over the counter and Dan frowns. "Dan's as stubborn as it gets I'm afraid."

 Victoriously, Blue Eyes smirks at Dan and turns to the counter, "Um, do you do a pumpkin spice latte of some kind too?"

 Louise smiles, "We do indeed." And she and Tyler get to work.  

Dan grimaces and goes back to his essay, but words muddle in his brain and 1920's Germany makes no sense anymore. Instead his thoughts are taken over by images of pretty blues eyes, splashed with yellows and greens, and striking black hair and red tinted cheeks.

 "Here." Blue Eyes says, placing the fresh coffee beside Dan's laptop, along with a cookie. "I apologise for Poppy."

 Dan looks up at him then, closes his laptop lid shut with a soft click and smiles almost shyly. "You didn't need to do this, it's fine really. I find it kind of funny to be honest. And the cookie is going way too far."

 The man only laughs quietly, eyes crinkling and face lighting up and Dan wonders if he's ever seen such beauty in a person.

 "Just eat it." He says, "I'm Phil, by the way." He says, sipping his latte and Dan grimaces wondering how he could possibly drink so much sugar in one go.

 "Dan. B-but I mean, you probably know that c-cause, cause Louise already said." Dan's blushing and now the autumn breeze poses no contribution.

 "Yeah." Phil answers, looking down at his lap and stroking what Dan hopes is Poppy's head. "So what are you studying?"

 "Um, History, a-and Law." Dan answers.

 Phil nods, "That's cool. I did English Lit at Uni. Graduated last year."

 "Oh. How old are you? I-I mean, um.. You don't have to-"

 Phil chuckles, "It's fine, Dan. I'm Twenty Two." He says, taking another sip of his coffee.

 "I'm eighteen." _Four years is not much of an age gap_ Dan thinks to himself as he breaks off a bit of cookie.

 "How you finding it? Uni, I mean."

 Dan nods through a mouthful of cookie, sweet and cinnamon spiced on his tongue. "It's okay. My roommate has completely taken over our dorm though."

 Phil smiles, "Well I mean, if you need to, you can work at my place. Is that weird? I don't know."

 "No, no, thank you, for the offer Phil. But I'm fine, really." He grins, brown eyes soft and sweet as he looks at the older boy.

 Nodding, Phil takes another sip of his coffee, "So, what else do you like doing. When you aren't studying."

 Dan thinks for a moment, "I don't know um, I like music, I can play piano and um, I like photography too."

 "Awesome! I wish I could play piano. Is it hard?"

 Dan shrugs, "I don't know I've been playing for years so it's kind of easy for me. What about you?" He adds after a pause.

 "I, I make videos sometimes. But I enjoy drawing, too."

 "You good? At drawing I mean."

 Phil grimaces, "Not really. But it's fun."

 "Bet you're not that bad." Insists Dan, finishing his cookie.

 Phil shrugs and they fall into a silence for a few minutes. Dan looks out the window, watching the traffic until his breath fogs the glass. He looks away and back to Phil who's eyes are watching him calmly.

 "I'd like to draw you." Phil admits, "It'd look beautiful."

 Red paints Dan's cheeks as he flushes and shakes his head with an awkward laugh cracking in his throat, "I-I don't think so."

 "I try to draw my girlfriend but, I don't know, she's not, I mean she's beautiful, but I can't draw her right. She says it's amazing but I feel there's something missing in the pictures." Phil takes another sip of the latte, then looks at Dan again, "I don't think it'd be like that for you. I think you'd be perfect."

 Dan thinks that's a bit extreme and he can't even force a laugh, "I doubt it, Phil. But thank you. Maybe you should not tell your girlfriend that."

 Phil looks at him, and when blue eyes meet brown the world around them fades to a blur like Dan's breath against the window pane. And Phil thinks there may be many things that'll happen between him and Dan that he must not tell his girlfriend.


	2. Phil And His Wordless Beauty

"He likes you." Louise insists after Phil leaves, apologising again on Poppy's behalf, and also for distracting Dan from his work.

 "Don't be ridiculous Louise." Dan sighs, lifting up his laptop lid again and logging back in, "He has a girlfriend."

 "What? Oh, get rid of her quick Dan." Louise says, "I could poison a coffee or-"

"Louise! I didn't expect these kinds of thoughts from you. Especially after-" Louise's smile falters and Dan realises his mistake all to soon and his eyes widen, "I mean. I'm sorry I shouldn't have-"

"I know." Louise says hurriedly, "But you're right, it was awful of me to say." She fixes her hair and turns from Dan's table, walking back behind the counter.

 With a sinking feeling in his heart, Dan turns back to his computer. But all he thinks of is Phil; Dan had never seen such eyes, blues and yellows and greens, swirling into one and Dan wants to drown in them. And he thinks of Phil's smile, and the sun and he cannot tell the difference between the two. He thinks of Phil's hair, fringe slung sideways, and Dan can't pretend he didn't notice the way Phil ran his finger along it every so often when it had gone out of place. And then he thinks of Phil's voice, soft and concerned, and sorrowful, and Dan wants to hear the other tones to it; happy, excited, in love. And he had noticed the slight northern accent and he wants to hear it over and over. His head drowns suddenly, into everything Phil; Phil with the sweetness capacity to drink an entire Pumpkin Spice Latte; Phil who insists on replacing the one bite of cold bacon sandwich; Phil who maybe even more stubborn than Dan himself. Phil who likes to draw. Phil who graduated from University. Clever Phil; happy Phil. Phil who has a girlfriend and a dog and apparently his entire life worked out.

 Phil.

 Needless to say, Dan does not get any work done at the café that day, and when he leaves, thanking Louise, and Tyler, and heads to his tedious afternoon job at the local supermarket, his mind still swims in thoughts of Phil.

 

 "Afternoon Daniel." His manager says half heartedly as he wonders into the offices to change. He shrugs on his work t-shirt. "You'll be stacking shelves today."

 As always. Dan thinks but nods anyway, dragging a trolley of boxes and food out into the store, the wheels squeaky and attention-seeking.

 He begins unloading the loaves of bread, bending down to the bottom of the trolley and pulling out the bread loaves, one by one.

 "Excuse me."

 Dan looks up from the trolley quickly, smacking his head on the shelf, "Ow-"

 "Sh- I mean, sorry I didn't meant to startle you." The voice pauses for a moment, "Oh, Dan?"

 Hand on his head, Dan looks up, heart melting as he looks at Phil, "O-oh, h-hey Phil." He smiles and laughs softly, waiting for the universe to delete him.

 "I didn't mean to scare you, I just wondered if you had any fruit bread?" Phil says, "Are you hurt?"

 "N-no Um, I'm fine." But the world seems a little fuzzy round the edges.

 "Are you sure? I'm really sorry."

"Phil this is going to be a repeat of the bacon sandwich stop." Dan pauses and searches the trolley for some fruit bread, finds some successfully, "This okay?"

 "It's great. Thank you." Phil takes it but he doesn't walk away.

 "I-I never expected you to, want fruit bread." Dan says awkwardly.

 "Oh. Oh no it's for my girlfriend, Marie."

"Oh." And Dan wonders why she can't get her own bread herself but says nothing, "So, where's Poppy?"

 "Marie's walking her. Not that she likes her much." Phil says, and he looks strangely sad for a moment.

 "Well, if you ever need a dog sitter, you know I'll probably be in The Penthouse."

 Phil smiles then, and Dan is sure it radiates real sunlight, "Thank you." He says, "A-and for the fruit bread."

 "It's okay."

 "I'm really sorry about your head. Is it broken?"

 Dan sniggers, "What do you mean 'Is it broken'? You actual idiot."

 "No but, I mean, like, is it, does it still hurt. Are you concussed?"

 "I'll probably have a bruise but I'm fine."

 "Would you like water?"

 "Phil" Dan says with an exasperate sigh, "I am fine."

 "Let me look." He insists, his hand gesturing him forward.

 Anxiously, Dan looks around the isle, and up at the camera on the wall a few metres away, "I shouldn't- I'm working."

 "And you might be dying, come 'ere."

 And Dan hates how stubborn and insisting Phil is as he steps away from the trolley and closer to Phil's hand. Phil's fingers brush his hair lightly, and Dan can barely breath as he looks at him, gets lost in the colours of his eyes. Phil adverts his gaze to Dan's head instead though, brushes his fingers over Dan's scalp and Dan winces ever so slightly.

 "It's a little swollen." Phil says, "You should sit down if you get dizzy." He withdraws his hand, stepping a little away and Dan misses the feeling of their bodies so close, though he felt suffocated.

 "I'll be okay."

 "You sure you don't want water? I can get some."

 "Stop." Dan says and he wonders if Phil would worry this much about anyone else.

 "God, I must have ruined your day today." Phil continues regardless and Dan wonders why he has not left yet.

 "You haven't ruined it." No, in fact, Phil has most definitely made Dan's day today. "But I err, I've got to work now." He glances at the camera again guiltily.

 "Yeah, course, sorry. " Phil says, "I guess I'll see you around." He still makes no move to go and Dan does not want to complain.

 "Yeah."

"Bye."

"Bye."

And with one last smile, Phil walks away with a small wave, and Dan blushes in response.

Dan's work passes slowly, and the sun is beginning to set as he walks out the store, back to University at about 5 o clock. The sunset is a mixture of colours, blues and yellows and pinks and it reminds him of Phil's eyes and the colours in them.

 He tugs on his bag strap and sighs to himself, as he wonders what he thought of before Phil. And he wonders how he lived without Phil's smile and how he ever felt anything before the touch of Phil's fingers against his hair, and his skin. And the warmth of his touch and body heat near his and he wonders how he breathed before.

 Caspar is in the kitchen when Dan arrives back at their dorm, shrugging of his rucksack and laptop, dropping it on his bed and hanging his coat on the back of the door. Caspar is humming a song and stirring something in a pan.

 "Hey." Dan calls.

 "Hi." Caspar responds but he doesn't look round. He's wearing pyjama bottoms and no shirt.

 "Aren't you cold?" Dan asks, "And you seem strangely happy."

 Caspar turns off the cooker and smiles at him, "Firstly, the cooker's hot, secondly, so what if I am happy?"

 Dan shrugs, "Well there must be a reason."

 "Nope." Caspar says, popping the p and dishing up the food, "I made enough for two if you want some."

 "What is it?" Dan asks walking into the kitchen. For once it smells good.

 "Stir fry." He says, "But I can't eat much, I'm going out in about," He glances at the clock, "An hour and a half."

 "Oh? Where are you going?" Dan asks, "Thank you." He adds as he takes his plate and sits down at one of the kitchen stools.

 "I'm going to the cinema." Caspar answers, a blush on his cheeks.

Oh.

 "Oh yeah? With who? Who's the lucky girl, or boy?" Dan raises his eyebrows and nudges him.

 Caspar shakes his head, "Just a, just a friend."

 "Really? You sure do seem excited to see this friend. Is it a good film or something?"

 "Dan. What about you? How was your day?"

 Oh. This is how he's going to play it. "Great thanks." Dan answers but he knows the heat from the stir fry is not what's making his cheeks redden. "Tell me who you're seeing."

Caspar shakes his head, "We are just friends." But he knows Dan will not give in, and the look on his face makes Caspar shift in his seat, "Okay. It's, someone but I- they mean a lot, this date means a lot."

 "Boy or girl? Come on Casp, you know I don't care either way."

 "Oh don't I know." Caspar chuckles, "What made your day so great?" He fills his mouth with the stir fry and chews, "Who'd you meet?"

 Dan shrugs, "A dog." He answers and it's not a lie either.

 "A dog with a hot owner?"

 "Maybe."

 And Dan thinks of Phil with those eyes, that display a sunset, and that warm smile and soft touch and he thinks 'hot' is too vague, too common and too unoriginal to describe Phil and his wordless beauty.


	3. Phil Might Want To Kiss Him

Dan does not hear Caspar come in that night but when he wakes up Caspar is asleep in the bed opposite, a little smile on his face and Dan thinks he could make them both breakfast. He heads into the kitchen and gets out pancake ingredients.

 "Morning." Caspar walks in as Dan flips a pancake (with his spatula for safety reasons) and Dan turns and smiles.

 "Hey! Good date?" Dan asks, flipping the pancake onto a plate, and pouring more mixture into the pan.

 Caspar nods, blushing. "It was great t-they are great."

 "You going to tell me their gender?" Dan asks, "Or is this your way of saying you think you might be pan? Cause you know I couldn't careless."

 "Oh I know." Caspar says, "I bet you'd love me to be pan too, but I am bi, I just."

 Dan raises his eyebrows, looking away from the pancake for a second. "I'm hardly going to work out who it is just from a gender, Casp."

 He puts the second pancake on his own plate and turns off the cooker.

 "Okay." Caspar says after a while, "They're a boy. A beautiful, amazing, handsome, wonderful boy, and I don't know, Dan I'm just so scared. I've never met someone like him and I don't want to lose him."

 Dan smiles and he doesn't know why his mind drifts briefly to Phil. "That's cute. I'm sure he'll stay Caspar, don't worry. And if he doesn't he obviously isn't as amazing as you thought he was."

 "Thank you." Caspar smiles and finds the Nutella from his cupboard, "For the pancake too."

 "You're welcome buddy." Dan says, taking the Nutella after Caspar finishes with it.

 They both have a lecture that morning. And Dan tries to concentrate but then he wonders about Caspar's date and then he wonders if he will ever date Phil, and if he will ever see Phil again. And when he looks at his notes after the lecture, he realises his paper is blank.

 

The twinkle of the Penthouse Coffee bell feels like home and Dan topples through the door, a gale of wind blowing in with him.

 "Ah, here he is!" Louise's voice calls but Dan doesn't see her first.

 Instead he sees Phil, in a black coat, with a flurry hood and a smile on his face.

 "Hey Dan!" Phil greets and Poppy barks at his feet and wags her tail, pulling at her lead.

 "Hey." Dan smiles and bends down to Poppy's level, ruffling her white fur as she jumps up at Dan's face, licking at his cheeks and nose and eyes, "Hello Poppy!" Dan laughs a little and stands.

 "How's your head?" Phil asks.

 "Oh, it's fine." Dan assures.

 "What happened?" Asks Louise, suddenly protective.

 "Nothing I just hit my head at work yesterday. Phil made me jump." With a shrug, Dan walks over to his booth in the corner and dumps down his stuff. "I'll have my usual please Louise."

 "I'll pay."

 Dan's head snaps up, and he looks at Phil who's leaning over a counter, money in his hand and he frowns.

 "Phil."

 "What?" He hands Louise the money and turns to face the brunette, "Compensation for your head."

 And Dan finds himself unable to argue, unable to think of anything to protest so he huffs. It also means Louise does not get a tip, and that seems wrong too.

 "You're not really mad are you?" Phil asks as he hands Dan his coffee.

 Dan shrugs, "I just, I don't think it is necessary." He says, "But thank you." He takes the coffee into his hands, the heat of the mug warming him. He takes a sip and smiles.

 Phil sits next to him, their legs only slightly apart and Dan wonders how to breathe.

 "You're welcome. Is there any work I could help with? I mean, I didn't take law or history, but.."

 Dan smiles and his heart stirs strangely, like milk swirling in tea and he wonders, only for a moment, if it is wrong for a twenty two year old to make you feel this way. If a four year age gap is too much.

 "It's okay. I, have a quiz for history next week, I'd like if you could test me." Dan turns to his bag, and fumbles through it until he finds his flashcards, wrapped in an elastic band and a little crumpled. "Can you read the question and- you know."

 Phil nods, and takes the cards, which Dan had written messily on thick yellow paper, and takes off the band before shuffling them.

 Poppy barks from under the table and jumps up, clambering so she's sitting across both Dan and Phil's lap.

 "Aw, hello." Dan smiles, and ruffles her head as she lays over both their laps. Phil shuffles closer so their thighs are touching and Dan blushes.

 "Democracy?"

 "This fucking word." Dan grumbles, "I can never remember it. A kind of government system or some shit."

 "Yeah. But what do they believe in?"

 But Dan's thoughts are cut short as Phil's phone bleeps.

 "Ignore it, does America give you a clue?"

 Dan thinks that maybe Phil should see his text, and he thinks it might be important, "Um, oh! So like, where they believe in freedom and equality and stuff."

 "Well done." Phil smiles and moves to the next one.

 "A-Aren't you going to answer your message?" He asks, "It might be important."

 "Well, they can wait a minute can't they? I'm busy. Now, what is proportional representation?"

 And Dan wonders why Phil should put him first when he'd barely known him two days. But he answers the question and pushes the thought away.

 And 'a minute' becomes an hour quickly and an hour becomes two and even when Dan has learnt the definitions, Phil does not look at the text but he looks at Dan instead, and they talk, about so many things.

 But then Phil's phone rings and he has to answer.

 "Hey babe." He says, putting the phone to his ear.

 Dan looks out the window, and runs a hand through Poppy's short fur.

 "Yeah I'm in a coffee shop. Oh. Oh, crap I'm sorry, I totally forgot. No I was just talking to someone and lost track of time. I know I'm sorry. I'm on my way." Phil looks at Dan through sorrowful eyes and stands up from the table, Poppy following and Dan's hand falls to his lap. "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. I love you too. I'll see you in a minute."

 "I told you it would be urgent." Dan says, "Hey, you should buy her a cookie to make up for it."

 Phil looks at him blankly though and Dan wonders why he doesn't do that, "We were having a lunch date, we reserved a table for middady."

 Dan looks at his watch and his eyes widen.

 12:35.

 "Oh." Dan says, "I didn't mean to keep you. I'm sorry."

 Phil shakes his head frantically, "It's not your fault. What if I've messed everything up, now."

 "Phil." Dan stands and walks over to Phil, pulling the older boy into a hug, "It's fine. It's just one date out of hundreds, she'll forgive you."

 Phil hugs him back tightly, face buried in Dan's shoulder and Dan thinks he could stay like this forever. When Phil pulls away there's tears in the edges of his eyes but he blinks them away hastily.

 "Thank you, Dan." His hand clutches at Dan's shirt and Dan wonders why.

 "I-it's okay. I'll see you around, yeah?"

 Phil nods and looks up at Dan but for a moment, Dan thinks Phil's eyes are on his lips and he thinks maybe Phil might want to kiss him but then he's stepping away, looking down at the floor, then at Poppy.

 "Come on then."

"Are dogs allowed in the restaurant?" Dan asks suddenly, "I could look after Poppy for you."

 "Really? Are you sure." And Phil looks like he really could kiss Dan now.

 "Of course."

 "Wow, thank you, thank you." Phil hugs him again and Dan is suddenly aware of Louise's eyes on looking the scene from behind the counter, and maybe Tyler's watching too. Dan pulls away. "I'll pick her up here later, about 2, is that okay?" He hands Dan Poppy's lead and pats his dog's head.

 "That is fine." Dan says, "I have another lecture at 3:30, but besides that it's fine."

 "Okay." Phil grins, "I'll see you later."

 And he walks out, the sound of the bell jingling as the door closes.

 "Daniel's got a crush." Louise taunts and Dan only glares,

 "Shut up Lou, make me a coffee please, to take away. I'm gonna take Poppy to the park." He goes over and packs all his notes and revision back into his bag, blushing horrifically. He stuffs in his laptop too and heaves the bag onto his left shoulder, Poppy's lead clutched in his right.

 He pays Louise for the drink, smirking as he places a pound coin in her hand.

 "Tyler." He says hand reaching over the counter to pass him a pound.

 "You don't need to." Tyler says, but he takes the pound anyway, "I don't do much."

 Dan frowns, "Yes you do. And I'm very grateful."

 Tyler smiles at him, eyes shining through his glasses.

 "I'll see you tomorrow, probably." Dan says, and walks out, Poppy at his heels.

 

 The air is chilled today, and Dan zips up his coat and shudders. He crosses the road, tugging at Poppy's lead and the dog is only too happy to follow.

 The walk to the park is not long, and this side of the road is lined with trees whose leaves scatter the path in varied shades of brown and they crunch under Dan's feet. His mind drifts to Phil again, and he hopes his girlfriend isn't mad, and he hopes she forgives Phil because Phil deserves that. He hopes they have a good date.

 "What do you think of Marie?" Dan asks Poppy, as they walk into the park, strolling across the grass. "Is she nice? Does she deserve Phil?"

 Poppy takes no notice, instead sniffs every tree and walks happily ahead of Dan with a spring in her paws.

 They reach the woods at the end of the park and Dan sits on a bench and lets Poppy off the lead. "Don't go missing I swear to God."

 Poppy bounds around near him, sniffing every tree and every leaf and jumping as one falls beside her.

 His phone vibrates then and he takes it out his pocket.

 From Casparly: Did you get any notes this morning?

 To Casparly:.....No

 From Casparly: Didn't think so. 

 From Casparly: 1 Photo Image.

 Dan smiles at the notes, in scribbles and messy writing but he's thankful nonetheless.

 To Casparly: Thank you :)

 From Casparly: You're welcome. Soo, what distracted you?

 To Caspary: Nothing.

 From Casparly: Really? You think I believe that. Tell me. Who've you met?

 To Casparly: Just a guy.

 From Casparly: Oh. The hot dog owner?

 To Casparly: Maybe.

 

 Poppy nudges his leg then, looks up at him with a stick in her mouth tail wagging.

 "You don't look like the sort to play fetch. What are you? A little Terrier, right? They can't play fetch."

 But Poppy still looks up at him hopefully and he sighs, takes the stick from her mouth and throws it a little way off. She scampers after it, takes it in her mouth and lays down, chewing at the wood. Dan rolls his eyes.

 "Told you." He says.

 

By 1:50, Dan is back at Penthouse Coffee, standing outside and waiting for Phil. Dan does not see Phil first, but hears Poppy barking and pulling at her lead excitedly. Dan looks over to see Phil, running down the street, and pulling Poppy into his arms when he reaches her.

 "Hello Princess!" He fusses her all over and Dan thinks if Poppy wags her tail any harder it will surely fall off. "Hello, did you miss me? Did you?"

 "Phil, did you need to run all the way here?" Pants a woman as she reaches them. Dan looks at her. She's considerably shorter than both he and Phil, with brown hair bound in a messy bun, and blue eyes and thick, filled in eye brows. She wears a long purple dress and small cardigan and she does look pretty, but it's cold and Dan doesn't know why she would wear that in autumn.

 "Poppy was excited." Phil replies, kissing his dog's head as she licked his face all over. "Thank you for looking after her Dan." He says, smiling, and standing up.

 "It's okay." Dan says shyly, conscious of Phil's girlfriend and for some reason he feels she should not see them together.

 "Um, this is Marie, my girlfriend." Phil says, gesturing to her vaguely but not taking his eyes off Dan.

 She smiles at him, "Hello."

 "Hi." Dan says, grinning back but his stomach is in knots.

 "So you're the kid distracting my man huh?"

 Dan blushes, "Uh, I guess. Sorry, about that."

 "Thanks again Dan." Phil says, quickly changing the subject, "Did she behave?"

 "Yeah, she was great, we went to the park, she played a bit of fetch too. It was fun."

 "I'd buy you a cookie or something in thanks but-"  
  "No!" Dan says hurriedly because he remembers how Phil did not buy his girlfriend one in apology and he thinks he doesn't deserve a cookie, and it seems wrong, wrong, wrong, for Phil to give him so much and not his girlfriend. "No, Phil it's fine."

 Phil wants to argue, Dan can tell, but he knows too. He knows his girlfriend would find it weird, and this time he sighs, "Okay."

 "Come on Phil, let's go." Marie links her arm with Phil's and Phil takes Poppy's lead.

 "Wait," Dan grabs Phil's wrist as they turn to go, and Phil stops abruptly, "I thought I should give you my number. S-so you can text me if you need a dog-sitter again." Dan says, he's blushing and he hates it.

 "Um, yeah sure." Phil gets out his phone and hands it to him.

 Dan wonders if Louise can see them from inside the café. And he knows that Marie is annoyed, so his heart is heavy and panicky as he quickly types in his number, checks it is correct, then hands it back.

 "Thanks." Phil smiles and then laughs, "Dog-sitter Dan? You're more than my dog sitter." Phil smiles and Dan thinks he shouldn't have said that, because now his girlfriend is even more impatient, and she tugs at Phil's arm. "I'll see you soon, yeah?" He asks.

 Dan shakes his head, yes, and beams widely at Phil, takes in every part of his eyes and smile, and he thinks he'd be great in photographs. "Yeah."

 Then he and his girlfriend walk away, Poppy at Phil's side and Dan looks on as the couple's hands intertwine and he tries not to feel jealous.


	4. Things They Really Must Not Do

Phil texts Dan later that evening, much to Dan's surprise, but he texts back quickly.

 From ####: Hey Dan, this is Phil :p

 To Philly: Hi Phil

 From Philly: How was the lecture?

 To Philly: Ugh.

 From Philly: Lol. Thanks for looking after Poppy today.

 To Philly: You don't need to keep thanking me. But you're welcome.

 From Philly: So I was wondering...

 To Philly: Oh god don't hurt yourself.

 From Philly: Hey! I was hoping you could send me a picture of yourself, so I can draw you.

 

Dan feels himself blushing and he glances over at where Caspar is watching the television, hoping he has not noticed his blush then looks back.

 

To Philly: I guess so. Hang on, lemme find a good pic.

 

It takes Dan sometime, to find a nice picture of himself, let alone one to send Phil and he doesn't know why that should make such a difference but it does. But he finds a nice one, one that Caspar took a week or so ago by the fountain in the University grounds. Dan's sitting in front of it, a small smirk playing at his lips and he thinks maybe Phil could draw it.

 

To Philly: This okay? (One Photo Attachment)

 From Philly: asdfghjkl yes omg. Thank you.

 To Philly: Ur welcs. :p

 Dan wonders though, if Phil is with his girlfriend, as he draws him. And he wonders if his girlfriend knows and if it bothers her.

 

 

 "DANIEL!" Louise's daughter, Darcy, runs into Dan's arms as he walks into the coffee shop.

"Hey, Princess!" Dan says, bending down and hugging her, "Have you been behaving for mummy?"

 Darcy nods and pulls away, "Look!" She holds up a toy elephant in Dan's face.

 "Aw who's this?" Dan says, taking her from Darcy's small hands and styling the fluff on the tail.

 "Ellie Elephant." Darcy replies and takes her as Dan hands her back.

 "Very cute."

 "Mummy bought her yesterday."

 Dan glances at Louise and smiles, "Well, aren't you a lucky girl?" Darcy nods and runs back behind the counter.

 "How are you Dan?" Louise asks.

 "I'm good. You?"

 Louise nods in response, "Your usual?"

 "Of course."

 

 A couple of cups of coffee and one finished essay later, Dan sighs, leaning back on the seat and looking out the window. People walk past, and cars flash by and leaves scatter the pavements. He watches for a while then stretches, turns back to his papers, putting them all neatly into a pile.

 Then the shop bell rings and Dan looks up, seeing Phil walk in, coat open, showing a warm looking knitted jumper, Poppy at his heels, her tail wagging upon seeing Dan.

 "Hey!" Dan greets.

 "Hi." Phil says, "Are you busy?"

 Dan shakes his head, "Just finished actually. Why?" He strokes Poppy's head receiving a lick.

 "Well, my girlfriend's seeing her friends today so I wondered if we could do something. Plus it's Halloween in a few days, so, you know, I thought we could go somewhere. I don't know where but,"

 "It sounds great." Dan assures with a smile and Phil returns it, bright and colourful and Dan's heart flips. He packs his stuff away and waves goodbye to Darcy, not before handing Louise and Tyler their tips, of course.

 "So, where are we going?" Dan asks, and as they walk their shoulders bump together and it makes Dan feel all kinds of weird.

 "We could watch a film maybe, or eat somewhere." Phil replies and flinches his hand from Dan's as they touch accidentally.

 "We could watch a film." Dan agrees.

 "Do they show horrors during the day? You know, because of Halloween." Phil asks suddenly, "Oh and what would we do with Poppy?"

 Dan's mind goes blank then. Oh.

 "Why don't you come to mine." Phil suggests eventually, hand curling around Dan's wrist to drag him back the other way, and there are sparks and fireworks and butterflies buzzing around Dan's skin at the touch. "We could watch a movie there without paying and with Poppy."

 "Okay" Dan agrees but his brain floats with questions because Phil hasn't let go of his wrist and he thinks it's stupid because they only met a few days ago, and they are already doing things they really must not do.

 The walk to Phil's house is short, and Poppy is the first through the door, running into one of the rooms that Dan guesses is the lounge.

 "Want a drink?" Phil asks as he takes of his shoes and coat.

 "Look at you, perfect host." Dan smiles and hangs his coat up with Phil's, "Can I have tea, i-if that's okay?"

 "Sure, the lounge is through there." Phil points to where Poppy had gone before walking off to make drinks.

 Dan pushes open the door to the lounge and feels strangely at home. Poppy looks up from her bed in the corner briefly, then lays back down. The room is warm and comforting and the grey sofa is comfy as Dan sits on it. He looks around the room, the television is considerably big and there are photos on the mantle piece; of Phil and Marie and also Poppy as a puppy.

 "I've got tea." Phil smiles as he walks in, handing Dan his drink then sitting beside him, legs curled up underneath his body.

 Dan takes his tea, warm in his hands and smiles, "Thank you."

 "What shall we watch?" Phil shifts in his seat, closer, closer to Dan, legs touching and Dan thinks it is unnecessary and wrong but he doesn't say anything about it.

 "I don't know. But, even though it's Halloween soon, I'd rather not watch a horror." Dan admits shyly.

 "Aw, that's fine. What about Captain America?"

 Dan nods and smiles, "That would be cool."

 As the film starts, Poppy climbs onto the sofa, creeps over onto Phil's legs, and across, lying her head on Dan's lap.

 "Aw, hello." Dan grins, fondles her ears and her tail wags a little.

 "Marie won't let Poppy on her." Phil says, sadly and Dan looks at him, the sad expression on his face and Dan thinks Marie is not good for Phil, and that she should love his dog. Dan doesn't think she's right for him at all.

 He doesn't tell Phil that, instead he says something, maybe worse, "That's okay. You've got me now."

 He only realises as he says it, and no, no, no he doesn't really mean it, not like that but Phil smiles at him. And again, Dan sees the sun, and he thinks that maybe Phil knows what he means.

 As the afternoon goes on, Dan thinks they've somehow got closer, and Phil's arm is somehow around his shoulders now, and he knows they should not, but yet he leans into Phil's side, head on his chest and Dan feels like this is right, even if it should not be.

 And when he falls asleep, sometime later after another film, he sleeps soundly, and deeply, and he inhales Phil's scent, cinnamon and warm, and he knows this is home.

 "Dan." Phil's soft whisper makes Dan stir and he shifts further, further into his chest and sighs, smiles as Phil's hand runs through his hair.

 

Some time later, Dan awakes to soft, warm lips pressing against his forehead and he sighs as his eyes flutter open.

 "Morning." Phil smirks.

 Dan wants to ask if Phil kissed him, but he knows the answer and he thinks he'd like to wake up like that more often, so he should not mention it, in hopes it could happen again.

 "What is the actual time?" Dan asks, sleep lacing his voice as he sits up, neck and back stiff.

 Phil removes his arm and looks at the clock on the wall, "A little after six in the evening." He replies, "My girlfriend will be back soon so I thought I should... Before, she sees."

 Dan nods but he thinks if Phil is going to wake him up, he does not need to do so with a kiss, "I should get going then."

 "I didn't mean that. You can stay, I just, didn't think she should see us like," Phil gestures with vaguely with his hands, "You know."

  Dan knows; God he knows, and that's why he must leave. Because whatever it is they're doing is wrong, wrong, wrong. If Phil thinks his girlfriend wouldn't like it then they definitely shouldn't do it, and Dan doesn't think Phil is the kind to cheat, he really doesn't. So Dan has to go- before they do anything else they could regret.

 "I know." Dan says, "But I need to go anyway." He gets up slowly, Poppy whining and following Dan as he walks to the door.

 "Do you have to?" Phil asks following too, his hand on Dan's wrist again and their faces are close and Dan thinks he could stay.

 But he mustn't.

 "Sorry, Phil." Dan says, slipping his arm from Phil's grip and putting on his shoes and coat. "But I can see you tomorrow? I've got work in the afternoon though."

 "It sounds great. Maybe we could take Poppy for a walk or something. She likes you."

 Dan looks down at the small terrier and ruffles her fur goodbye, "Yeah, sounds great. See ya!"

 Dan's about to leave but then Phil is pulling him into a hug; tight, warm and safe, "Bye."

But Dan only wonders how they got so close so quickly.

 


	5. Your Eyes Hold The World

The Penthouse Coffee shop is decorated, the next time Dan enters just after lunch. Two pumpkins, with toothy grins and hollow eyes, guard the doors. Louise is wearing a witch's hat, which Dan wants to laugh at but he doesn't. The ceiling and the counter are decorated with fake cobwebs, strewn messily across the walls, with fake spiders and plastic bats riddling them.

Dan asks for his usual and sits in his seat by the window, looking out at the road and the wet pavements and leaves, since it had rained over the morning, dull and dreary.

 

"Boo!" Phil exclaims when he walks over to Dan about half an hour later.

"Phil. I could hear you come in." Dan rolls his eyes but he knows he is also smiling.

Poppy jumps up beside Dan, licking his face happily. "Hey baby!" Dan coos, fussing Poppy all over, aware of Phil sitting opposite him.

"You know when I asked for your picture?" Phil begins.

"Yes." Dan looks up at him then, and as always he's in awe of Phil: of his smile, that lights up the whole world; and his eyes that belong in a painting; and the way he looks at Dan in a way to make his heart turn upside down. 

"I finished it." Phil says, holding up a paper, "Don't laugh okay?"

"Why would I?" Dan asks innocently.

With a blush on his cheeks, that warms Dan more than it should, Phil slides the paper across the table. Dan smiles, and glances up at Phil.

"You made me a vampire?" Dan looks back down at the drawing, at every mark and the way Phil has made his eyes shine in it, and how real the fangs look.

"I thought, for Halloween, you know, I'd do a bit of a jokey one."

"I love it."

"Really?" Phil asks, "I only did that one as a joke. This is the actual one." And he hands Dan another picture.

Dan gapes this time, runs his finger over the edges, pencil smudging a little on his skin, "Wow." The picture is almost like a photo, black and white pencil, smooth and bright and Dan wonders how Phil gets the sparkle in his eyes like that.

"Do you like it?" Phil asks hopefully.

"Phil I love it. Wow. They're both amazing."

"Thank you. I was right." Phil says, "You look beautiful in a drawing."

Dan bites his lip and doesn't look at Phil.

"Dan." Phil's hand touches Dan's fingers, and curves around his and Dan hastily glances up at him. "I managed to capture the light in your eyes." He says, his hand moving from Dan's and onto his cheek, thumb running over Dan's eye lid as he flutters it shut, and Dan's eyelashes tickle his skin. "I could never do that for Marie."

And Dan wants to say something, anything, to make it seem better, a reason that Phil cannot draw his girlfriend but he can think of nothing except Phil's hand on his skin, and the way his throat freezes.

"But you Dan." Phil continues, his voice so painfully soft that it makes Dan melt, "Your eyes hold the world."

Dan thinks that that's ridiculous, that his eyes are nothing at all special, and brown is dull and tedious and is definitely not a colour holding worlds, and that it is Phil, who holds entire universes in his eyes. 

"I- Phil." Dan sits back suddenly, Phil's hand falling from his cheek, "Phil, you shouldn't, y-you should tell your girlfriend that, not me."

"Maybe." Phil says, sitting back also and looking out the window, "But, her eyes are not like yours. They're beautiful and blue, and I tell her they hold oceans but," He pauses, like he shouldn't say it, and looks back at Dan with the most sincere expression, "Your eyes are like autumn, and they're warm and beautiful and bright. Dan I-"

"Okay." Dan says hurriedly, because he's not sure he can hear Phil say anymore and he's not sure he should let him either. And Phil seems to understand because he nods. "Um, I need to go, Phil, to work."

"Oh, yeah. Okay. Can I text you later?"

"You can always text me." Dan promises, "Can I keep the drawings?"

"Course." Phil says, "Come here Poppy." The terrier jumps down from Dan and sits by Phil's feet. 

"I'll see you later." Dan says and he only smiles when Phil hugs him, warm and like home.

 

The drawings are beautiful. And Dan is still looking at them when Caspar gets back to their dorm later, after Dan's finished work and he smiles,

"Hey Dan." He says, hanging his coat on the back of the door, "What are they?" He looks at the paper Dan is gazing at and his eyes widen, "Wow, they're good. Who drew them?"

Dan blushes, "No one special." He gathers them up and goes to his bedside table drawers. 

"Dan. Is it that guy, again, the one with the dog?" Caspar asks, "He's had a big effect on you."

"No." Dan says quickly, too quickly, "I mean, yeah, he, he drew them but,"

"Why don't you ask him out?" Caspar asks, sitting down on his own bed.

Dan flushes and shakes his head, "I, no. He's got a girlfriend."  
Caspar frowns, "Oh. But he still drew you?"

Dan nods and shrugs, "I don't know, sometimes I think he wants to kiss me, and he told me my eyes were beautiful but," Dan shakes his head, "He shouldn't because he's got a girlfriend and he's settled and happy. I'm going to ruin everything."  
Caspar frowns, "No you won't Dan. And if he does break up with her, you still haven't ruined it, it's not you."

Dan thinks it is him but he isn't in the mood to argue with Caspar, especially when he's only trying to make him feel better.

"Whatever." Is Dan's only response, "Are you going out to the Halloween party later?" Dan asks, changing the subject.

Caspar shrugs though, "I don't think so, I'm going to see, um-"

"Your boyfriend?" Dan asks, smirking slightly and Caspar blushes,

"We're not boyfriends, officially."

"Well make it official." Dan says, "I don't want to go to the part if I'm a complete loner."

"Sorry." Caspar says, "But he really wants me to spend the evening with him. I think we're just going to stay in and watch movies, I'm not sure."

"Does he go to uni, or?"

Caspar nods, "He goes to the Media and art University the other side of town."

"Oh." Dan says, "Will I ever get to meet him?"

Caspar shrugs, "Maybe."

 

Dan ends up texting Phil later that evening after Caspar leaves, seeing if he's going anywhere.

From Philly: Me and my girlfriend are going to a party but I don't really want to. I can't leave Poppy either, and I feel bad asking one of my friends to dog sit.

To Philly: I can look after her. I have nothing better to do.

From Philly: Eh, I think I'm going to stay home anyway, but you can come over if you want.

Dan thinks it is a bad idea though, him and Phil, alone in the house together in the evening. But he's bored and he wants to see Phil, to touch him, to feel the warmth of his smile and fall asleep in his arms again.

To Philly: If that's okay.

From Philly: Course it is. Xx

Dan thinks the kisses at the end of the text are a bad idea too but he only smiles and changes into a nicer shirt before heading out. It's cold and he passes a few people, mostly kids, in unoriginal costumes. And he walks through puddles, illuminated by the street lamps. Then he's at Phil's door, and he knocks on it anxiously.

All the anxiety fades away when Phil opens the door, with a gracious smile, Poppy barking at his feet, and if Dan was cold before, his heart is swelling with warmth now.

"Hey Danny." 

The nickname makes Dan's skin crawl with sparks but he ignores them and hugs Phil, his scent becoming all too familiar. And as Phil closes the door, Dan bends down letting Poppy prance about his feet, jumping up at his face.

Phil chuckles softly, "Poppy, get off him."

Dan smiles and stands up, shrugging of his coat and hanging it on the hook beside Phil's.

"Um, I made hot chocolate, is that alright for you?"

Dan nods, and for some reason his heart is beating fast and he watches the way Phil breathes, and the way he smiles, and the way his eyes glisten.

"What?" Phil asks after another moment and Dan only flushes, looks down at the floor, and then quickly tugs off his shoes.

"Nothing." Dan says, "Has, um, Marie already left?" 

Phil nods, his face downcast suddenly and Dan feels bad suddenly, "She didn't like me putting Poppy first." He says, "And then I couldn't tell her you were coming cause she'd be even more annoyed."

"Oh, does she, does she not like me?" Dan asks.

"She just, she doesn't like how close we are suddenly? I don't know." 

They fall silent and Dan thinks that they could kiss, in the doorway of Phil's house, warm and soft and gentle but he knows that must never happen.

"Oh." He says instead, and Phil nods.

"Come on, I've got some films ready."

 

They fall asleep in each others arms though. And Dan is half on Phi's lap as they lay, huddled under a blanket with Poppy lying across them. The empty mugs of hot chocolate are discarded on the coffee table.

It is Poppy who wakes them up. She sits up sharply to the sound of laughter outside and the movement awakens Dan, who blinks in the light of the room and lifts up his head, wincing at his stiff neck. 

"Phil?" He murmurs, and he wants to kiss him but then he hears the door open and he quickly shakes the raven haired boy awake.

"Huh?" Phil rubs his eyes and sits up a little.

"Phil?! I'm home!" Marie calls, and then the lounge door opens. 

Poppy wag her tail but does not go near her, instead remains sitting on Dan and Phil's laps.

"Oh, hey baby. What time is it?"

"Nearly midnight." She says with a frown, "I didn't know you invited someone over."

Phil shrugs, "We had nothing better to do."

"You could have come with me. Left Poppy with him and come along." Marie points out, and Dan knows that is true.

"You know I don't like parties that much. And Poppy isn't very good with strangers when she's at home."

But Dan thinks that is not true when it comes to him, because Poppy seems all too happy to spend every passing moment with Dan as well as her master.

"Whatever." Marie says, "I'm going to bed." She slams the sitting room door and both boys hear her stomping up the stairs.

"Sorry." Dan says, standing up and pushing aside the blanket, "I shouldn't have stayed this long anyway."

Phil shakes his head and follows Dan over to the door, Poppy close behind.

"Dan. How about I walk you back? It's dark you shouldn't be out on your own."

"And if someone tries to murder me what exactly can you do?" Dan doesn't mean it rudely but his tone is snappier than he intends. 

"There's safety in numbers, Dan. Please. And Poppy would like the walk." He gets his coat off it's hanger along with Poppy's collar and Dan can't even argue now.

"You know, I used to be so stubborn." Dan says, bending down and putting on his shoes, "But somehow I can't argue with you." He speaks quietly, as though it is something Marie should not hear.

Phil doesn't say anything but smiles at Dan, and now, Dan thinks, because it's dark outside, Phil's smile reflects the moonlight in the way the sun does.

"I'm walking Dan back to Uni!" Phil yells up the stairs, "Be back soon."

He gets no reply though, and Dan feels a stab in his chest because it is his fault, he knows.

It's cold outside, and a few people still walk the streets, but Phil takes his hand suddenly, the touch like ice, but Dan only warms at the touch (though he thinks they should not hold hands).

"I'm sorry I upset Marie." Dan says eventually, glancing over at Phil with regretful eyes.

"It's not your fault." Phil says, but he cannot find any other excuse.

"But it is." Dan says, "Maybe we shouldn't see each other."

"What? Don't be silly Dan." Phil says, splashing in a puddle on the pavement. 

"But-" Dan pauses like he doesn't want to say any of this out loud, but he must because otherwise everything will get out of control. "We do things that maybe we shouldn't do, Phil. We shouldn't hug for so long or fall asleep together or hold hands, or tell each other we are beautiful. Phil we shouldn't."

Yet they are still holding hands, and Dan doesn't pull away either.

"Maybe." Phil agrees "But, we have something, Dan, and I don't want to let go of it just because we shouldn't fall asleep next to each other."

They reach Dan's University and stop outside, 

"I suppose." Dan says, "But I just, I don't want your girlfriend to think-"

"It doesn't matter, what she thinks, Dan." Phil says and he slides Poppy's lead onto his wrist so he can take Dan's other hand in his too. Dan thinks it does matter what Phil's girlfriend thinks though, and it should matter to him, and it's wrong, wrong, wrong.

Phil's eyes in moonlight make Dan forget that though. They look darker, and the colours are not clear but they're wide and full of an emotion Dan hopes he is reading incorrectly. And they sparkle like the stars in the sky. 

Suddenly, though, Dan thinks they can kiss. Under moonlight and starts just after midnight. And the air is cold but his blood could boil as his lips touch Phil's, and the sparks on his skin could override the stars' sparkle. But they really mustn't.

"Well then we must be careful." Dan says eventually, "Because we'll lose control before we know it and we can't let that happen. Marie doesn't deserve it and-"

"Okay." Phil says, squeezing both his hands and Dan thinks that is only another thing that should not happen. "We'll be careful." Slowly, he drops Dan's hands. "Can I see you tomorrow, or, today I guess."

"Probably. You know where I'll be. I have work in the afternoon though."  
"Oh, that's okay. Sleep well Dan." Phil says and they hug for some time, and again, Dan thinks this is not being careful. 

When Phil pulls away he kisses Dan's cheek gently, his lips a little dry and cold against his skin from the chilled air, but his cheeks heat up as Phil pulls away and looks at him.

We should be careful; careful.

They smile at each other, and it's almost awkward and Dan knows he should tell Phil that this is wrong and that this is not being careful at all but he doesn't say a thing. 

"Don't let the bed bugs bite." Phil says, his voice soft and gentle and it makes butterflies spin in Dan's stomach like they're in a washing machine.

"And you. Have a safe walk home." Dan says.

"Come on Poppy." Phil says after one last smile towards Dan, and it almost feels like Phil doesn't really want to leave. But he tugs at Poppy's collar gently and they turn and walk back the other way, back down the road, littered with leaves and the rain. Dan watches them both for a moment before walking back into University.


	6. I Find It So Hard To Say No To You

_From Philly: I went in the café but you weren't there :(_

 To Philly: Oh sorry. I was at work. Guess what I had to do today..

  _From Philly: What?_

 To Philly: I had to sort out the Christmas decorations. And now there are giant baubles and snowflakes suspended from the ceiling of the supermarket... IN NOVEMBER.

  _From Philly: lmao fail._

 To Philly: Phil. Do you even have a job?

  _From Philly: Yea. I work at a radio station, I'm like the techy guy. Only at weekends though._

 To Philly: Ohhhh.

  _From Philly: Hey, do you wanna go for a walk?_

 To Philly: Okay. Shall I meet at urs?

  _From Philly: Yeah see you soon xx_

 

 It's cold, and Dan zips up his coat as he walks from his University and through the town to Phil's. The sky is cloudy and grey and Dan thinks it might rain soon but that does not matter to him. It is merely three in the afternoon and yet it seems more like six and any car that passes Dan has it's lights on. The wind cuts Dan in half as he walks and if he'd made any effort with his hair (which maybe he had) it's ruined now.

 He knows he looks a mess when he arrives at Phil's. But Phil smiles and it seems to warm Dan's whole world.

 "Hi." Phil says, looking at Dan with eyes that gleam and shine.

 "Afternoon." Dan answers and smiles as Poppy begins to jumps around his legs.

 Phil glances inside and says goodbye to Marie before closing the front door behind him, without even an 'I love you' to his girlfriend.

 "Are you sure you wanted to come with me?" Phil asks as he looks at the weather, "You already look freezing."

 Dan shrugs and shoves his hands into his pockets, "I don't care. I haven't seen you all day." Although it seems absurd that Dan has seen Phil everyday since they met and that is strangely ridiculous.

 "I thought we cold go to the park, like the other day." Phil suggests.

 Dan nods. "Sounds good." He likes the park. The leaves are striking oranges and a variety of browns and maroon colours.

 It does begin to rain as they reach the park and the two put up their hoods. Their eyes catch, though, as the rain drizzles around them and Phil smiles, looks at where Dan's hand is frozen on his hood and takes it in his own.

 Dan thinks it is wrong, and bad, but Phil's hand fits nicely in his and when their fingers link together one by one, Dan cannot tell Phil 'no' and instead breathes out heavily, his breath an evaporation in the rain.

 The rain begins to fall harder the further they walk and soon they turn back. Stumbling and laughing through the trees lining the park, hands still clasped together. And when Dan falls back against the tree, giggling about something he cannot remember, Phil is pressing against him, breath over his face.

 Dan watches rain drip from the elder's hair and down his face and then they are kissing. And it is wrong Dan knows but Phil's lips are soft and warmer than anything else and he cannot think of anything else in that moment.

 But Phil pulls away abruptly, eyes wide and almost fearful and then Dan is remembering too, and _oh._

 "We- it was a mistake, right, it, we won't, we didn't mean-"

 "No, totally. It was just a one time thing Phil, and no one is here it's alright, we should- let's go."

 They step away from each other in a flurry, red cheeks and faces wet with rain. Poppy, seemingly unbothered by the whether, bounds in front of them. When Phil reaches for Dan's hand, Dan only knows it is right when he moves his hand away and it returns to his pocket.

 And they walk back to Phil's silently.

 

 

 Dan isn't sure what he feels, when he sees Phil walking down the shop isle, pushing a trolley.

 "Dan! Hey." Phil slides his feet across the supermarket floor as the trolley skids across to Dan.

 "Hi Phil." Dan says, blushing and looking away as he stacks more cereal onto the shelf like books on a book case.

 "You're not, mad, are you? About yesterday when we, you know."

 "No." Dan says, "I'm not mad Phil." He looks at Phil with a soft smile, and god he wishes to kiss him again. "Did you tell Marie?" Only Dan knows the answer and he thinks that maybe it is better he does not hear it.

 Phil hesitates then shakes his head, "No. I didn't but it doesn't matter because it won't happen again."

 Dan isn't sure though, because together they always seem to lose control. And he thinks if it won't happen again, it should not matter if Phil told, "Right."

 "So how are you?" Phil changes the subject and Dan closes his eyes.

 "Good." Only he hasn't slept much at all last night because instead his mind is alive with thoughts of Phil; of his lips and eyes and smile. "You?"

 "Good."

 He's lying too though, and Dan wonders if Phil can read his lie in the same way.

 "Anyway, I needed cereal." Phil says, looking away from Dan and at the selves, before pulling multiple boxes into the trolley.

 "Phil." Dan says, "Why don't you take the entire shelf while you're at it!"

 Phil laughs, "I like cereal okay?! Hey can I see you later?"

 Dan shrugs, "I have nothing better to do I don't think. We can meet at the café. Have coffee and chat a bit?"

 "Sounds great. See you." Phil smiles, an all-consuming, bright smile and trundles off with the trolley.

 

 When Dan arrives in the Penthouse Café, greeted by Louise's smile over the counter and a wave from Darcy, it is nearly dark out. It is barely four o' clock but the clouds droop low and dark. It rains too, and drops patter on the window softly and Dan watches. Cars rush passed on the road, splashing in the puddles on the road side and people bustle pass with umbrellas, only they blow about recklessly in the wind. Dan sees Phil walk up to the door, Poppy at his feet and his head covered by the fur on his hood.

 The bell sings as Phil walks in, and he can't help but smile as Phil appears. He asks Louise for his usual and sits beside Dan, flipping off his coat hood.

 "Hey Dan." Phil says, and glances down at Poppy as she shakes her fur free of the rain.

 "Hey." Dan answers, gripping his coffee cup and smiling. "Isn't the weather beautiful?" He glances back out the window and his breath fogs the glass.

 "Isn't it." Phil smiles, "I like autumn though."

 Dan nods, draws a sad face on the window and watches as it fades, "Me too."

 "Dan?" Phil starts, and his fingers brush against Dan's (whose fingers were still wrapped around his coffee cup).

 "Y-yeah?" Dan asks, watching as two of Phil's fingers curl around his. And it's stupid, and weird, and silly, but it feels nice and Dan let's it happen.

 "Tomorrow is bonfire night and I was wondering, if, you wanted to go see the fireworks in the park with me and Marie." Phil suggests.

 But Dan thinks Phil and his girlfriend should go by themselves, and Phil should not at all ask Dan to come along because of course he will say yes.

 "Yeah I'd love to, if Marie is okay with it. I can just look after Poppy."

 Phil shakes his head and looks down at their fingers as he speaks, "It's fine. I have a friend who's going to look after her. He doesn't like fireworks either."

 "Oh okay. Is it alright with Marie for me to come though?"

 Phil nods and reluctantly drops his fingers from Dan's to take a sip of his coffee. It scolds his tongue. "Yeah. I mean, I haven't told her but she's meeting her friends up there so it's only fair if you come, right?"

 And Dan thinks that that is okay so he nods, "I look forward to it."

 

 It is cold, and dark, and Dan's breath filters out in front of him like fog as he takes a brisk walk to Phil's the following evening. He has not yet seen him, since the café and for some reason, Dan is perhaps too excited to see him. He knocks on his door with his cold, red raw knuckles and waits. He does not expect Marie to open the door and his heart drops.

 "Oh h-hi. Has Phil said I'm coming?" Dan asks awkwardly. Marie smiles, but Dan knows it is forced.

 "Yes he mentioned it." She turns away from the door and yells into the house, "Phil! Dan's here!"

 Phil appears in a moment, scarf wrapped around his neck, and a jumper clinging to his chest. Warmth.

"Hey Dan." He grabs his coat, "We're ready to go now, that alright?"

 Dan nods and smiles as Poppy runs up to him in flurry of excitement, "Hey gorgeous." Dan says, ruffling her fur.

 "Come on Poppy, stay with PJ. I'll be back later."

 Poppy's excitement fades suddenly, and she whines, looking up at her master with glassy eyes.

 "Sorry princess, I'll see you later alright. Look after PJ." Phil runs a hand through her fur and pats her back once before the three walk out the house.

 The walk to the park is silent, and the chill of the air is thick with tension. Phil holds Marie's hand and Dan finds it stupid that he should be here, because only two days ago, he and Phil walking down this path together and only two days ago did Phil take his hand here, and only two days ago did they-

 The park is loud, and alive, for once, the vast field beyond the playground alive with crowds of people and glow sticks. Sparklers litter the crowds and the lights shimmer through Dan's eyes. At the far end of the field is the bonfire, unlit. The three of them walk closer to the front, standing a metre from the rope around the pile of wood. Crowds of people surround them, children and adults alike but Dan only looks at Phil.

 "Babe, I can see Alana over there, I'll see you later." Marie says, kissing Phil's cheek and rushing off through the crowds.

 "Then there were two." Phil says, pulling Dan into a hug, "I haven't seen you all day how are you?" He murmurs against Dan's neck, tightening his grip on the brunette.

 "Good." Dan sighs and lifts his head from where it had been on Phil's shoulder, looks at him through the darkness: and even in the dark his eyes can hold entire worlds. "I did some studying in my dorm for once with my roommate." Even though the only reason Dan revised with Caspar was because Dan had barely any notes from classes.

 "Well that's cool." Phil says, "I was at work today."

 "Oh yeah, have you ever met any celebrities there?" Dan asks and notices the way their arms were still wrapped around one another and even though it is wrong he doesn't mention it or move away.

 "Sadly no. It's only the town's radio Dan."

 "Oh. That makes sense." Phil drops his arms from Dan then and some men in florescent jackets are by the bonfire, lighting it.

 The two watch as the bonfire bursts into light before them, heat blazing off of it.

 "At least you're not cold now huh?"

 Dan nods even though he's felt warm since he arrived at Phil's house.

 Phil puts an arm around his shoulders, and then they talk about things that don't matter to anyone but them.

 

/

 

"I don't think anyone would go to hell Phil." Dan laughs a little and jumps at the screech of a mega phone.

 "Ladies and gentlemen, the fireworks are about to begin."

 There's a hush in the crowd as everyone watches the sky in anticipation. They all cheer as the first firework explodes into the sky; reds and golds. Then another, and another and Dan glances at Phil and the small look of awe on his face.

 The fireworks fade into the background then, and Dan only watches the display through Phil's eyes; dancing and bright.

 The world stops.

 Phil takes Dan's hand in his own then, and looks at Dan and not the sky. And maybe that is wrong, and maybe he shouldn't but Dan, who's hand electrifies at the touch, links the fingers together and breathes out. His breath creates a mist in the air and it hits Phil's lips, hot and a little wet.

 Their faces move closer, closer, closer and hands are on bodies now but they really can't kiss.

 "Phil." Dan snaps backwards into reality, fireworks suddenly loud and booming about them, disrupting and violent. "We can't." He rips his hand from Phil's, stepping back, "We can't, n-not here, not ever."

 "Dan." Phil reaches for his hand again but Dan flinches away.

 "Don't." And Dan hopes no one is watching them and are more interested in the sky, "You know we can't. You know this is wrong, and your girlfriend is over there."

 They bother glance over to Marie who is a little way from them and has her back to them, laughing with her friends.

 "Don't hurt her, Phil. She doesn't deserve this Phil, Phil you know we mustn't." Even though Dan takes Phil's hand as he speaks, and squeezes it tightly.

 Phil closes his eyes, breathes out a cloud of smoke, "Okay. I know. I know, I know." He runs a hand through his hair, "I should go back home."

 "No I should." Dan says, dropping Phil's hand like he's just realised what he was doing, "You should stay with your girlfriend, and kiss her under the fireworks. I should never have agreed to come. Of course we would have-"

 "We wouldn't have Dan- we weren't-"

 "Weren't we?" Dan says, and then he laughs crudely, "We would have kissed and you know it. And we can't. Get that in your head Phil."

 Phil sighs, "But Marie's gone-"

 "Only because you invited me." Dan counters, "And I knew I should have said no, I knew it, dammit. But I find it so hard to say no to you Phil and it's terrible."

 "Okay." Phil says, quieter this time, his tone ashamed, "You're right. We have a line and we can't cross it. I'm sorry."

 "It's okay." Dan says, even though they have already crossed the line too many times already, and even though Dan wants to take Phil's hand again. "It's okay, but we have to be careful remember? So that is why I'm going to go, and you're going to go to your girlfriend, and enjoy your night with her."

 Phil wants to object, Dan knows that but for some reason he doesn't, "Alright. But can I see you tomorrow?"

 Dan purses his lips, and nods shortly, "You know where to find me."

 Phil nods and he wants to hug Dan goodbye, Dan knows that too, but he just steps away with a quiet goodbye.

 And for some reason, with fireworks still screeching in the sky, he's crying as he walks back to his dorm.


	7. It Shouldn't Be This Way

Dan sees Phil and Poppy walk to the door of the Penthouse Café and waves shyly through a mouthful of sandwich.

 "Hey Danny." Phil says as he walks over to him ad Poppy barks excitedly.

 "Hi. H-How was your evening in the end?"

 Phil smiles and slides in the booth beside him, "It was good." But there's something false about his tone that Dan doesn't dare question.

 Poppy jumps up and pushes her way between the two boys, her tail hitting the back of the seat as she wags it back and forth.

 "I-I'm sorry." He says, "About last night, I've been stupid and terrible, to you, Marie."

 "It's okay." Dan says, "It's fine. Here do you want this?" He pushes the other half of his sandwich over to Phil.

 "Don't you?"

 Dan shrugs, "Not hungry."

 Poppy eyes it hopefully, and whines when Phil eats it anyway.

 "Thank you." Phil says after a mouthful, "Would you like to go out with me tonight?"

 Eyes widening, Dan's suddenly glad he is no longer eating his sandwich because he'd have surely choked.

 "What?"

 "I-I mean, not a date. I mean we can see a film and have dinner. My friend says he can look after Poppy again if I want."

 Dan must say no. Because this is wrong, wrong, wrong ad it is so clearly a date and they cannot.

 "W-what about Marie?"

 Phil shrugs, "What about her? I can go out with my friend right? Friends see films together, don't they?"

 Dan shrugs, because it is true, it is only that he and Phil have never felt like friends, "Okay." He says all the same, "I'd love to."

 

It is dark when Dan arrives at the cinema later that evening. It is only half past five but the sun had set half an hour, and the oranges that had scattered the sky are now replaced by deep blues and silver stars.

 "Hey." Phil is behind him, hands in his coat pockets and a bobble hat on his head. He looks, frankly, adorable.

 "Hi." Dan smiles, and he is blushing but that's okay because it is dark so Phil cannot see him anyway.

 The film is good, it's some kind of crime film but Dan isn't all that bothered. It is weird, sitting beside Phil in a cinema, hearing his breathy laugh at the funny parts, seeing his eyes flickering with the pictures on the screen and having his hand so close to Dan (unless it is rooting through the popcorn) but not touching him.

 "That was good." Phil says afterwards as they walk back out into the, now, black of night. It is almost strange, walking out of the cinema when it is dark, and not being scolded by the light of the sun; no vampire experiences at all.

 "Yeah." Dan agrees, though most of the movie, he had witnessed through Phil's eyes because the world seems so much more beautiful through Phil's eyes. Phil looks at him like he knows Dan was not paying attention but he doesn't say anything, only takes hold of Dan's hand, intertwines their fingers slowly, finger by finger.

 Dan sort of forgets how to breathe.

 "I'd say come back to mine but Marie is there."

 Dan nods, "That's okay."

 They fall silent and Dan watches their feet move in sync and feels the way his hand fits well with Phil's. But it shouldn't be this way; they need to be careful.

 Wordlessly, they reach the University, and they stand silently opposite one another for a moment.

 "Will I see you tomorrow?" Phil asks eventually.

 Dan shrugs, "I guess so."

 Phil nods and his hand is on Dan's neck, fingers in his hair, "Goodnight Dan."  
  Dan's eyes are wide but he nods, "Night."

 Phil kisses him, on the lips softly, briefly but it happens and Dan wants to scream because Phil can't do this but he says nothing and only smiles when Phil pulls away.


End file.
